so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
