that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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