I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
