I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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