Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
