Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
