i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
