I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
