I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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