Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize