I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How external is "for external use only"?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
