my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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