too bad you live with your parents still
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
