i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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