Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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