Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
