After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
