It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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