My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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