Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
