if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
