Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
