I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
