Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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