I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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