I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
