apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
