i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
