She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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