I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Come see our sink grown plant.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
