Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
