how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
