omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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