you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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