Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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