She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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