I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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