yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its not stalking. its research.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
