Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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