i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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