I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
