I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
