I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
