Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
