Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
