I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
