I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
