had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse