She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?