On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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