I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
