maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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