What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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