I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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