ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
