Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
