made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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