Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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