Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
