watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize